waited for a long, long time
by beanandbalme
Summary: Steve Rogers waits for Bucky Barnes for a long time.


Steve Rogers waits for Bucky Barnes for a very, very long time.

* * *

The first time he dies, Bucky has fallen off a train on a Russian winters day, and Steve feels deceived. They both survive a war and all it takes is one slip for it to all go down the drain. After that, he no time to grieve for what he lost before throwing himself back into Captain America. A few days later, when the plane goes down, he says his goodbyes to Peggy and waits for Bucky's hand.

* * *

When he wakes up in 2012, he cries. Bucky had been taken from him once again.

* * *

It feels like deja vu when he is called up to the frontlines to protect the earth again. But this time, he doesn't have his team with him. He thinks he might see a friendly face in Tony Stark -he even looks like Howard-, but Stark pushes Steve away with a scowl and a snarl of "I'm not like _him_.". Steve wonders what happened to his old friends - did they all turn out like that?

* * *

"God Steve, suicidal much?" Tony says, as he pulls Steve out of the rubble a few months later. Steve rubs building dust out of his eyes. Tony has no idea how right he is.

* * *

"The Winter Soldier is like a ghost." Natasha says. Steve finds it vaguely ironic all the ways his ghosts come back to haunt him.

* * *

Bucky -the Winter Soldier- punches him in the face, over and over.

"Just kill me then, _Buck_," his voice cracks. "Cause I'm with you until the end of the line."

He can see the Soldier's eyes widen, hear a murmur of "_Steve_" that he might be imagining, and he can feel the glass break under him. He's falling -_just like Bucky did_\- and his last sight is the Winter Soldier hanging onto the shell of the helicarrier before the cold water engulfs him (again) (_"Peggy, I'm going to have to land in the water."_).

* * *

He can feel himself being pulled out of the water , callused fingers hooked onto his tough gear. He grabs their (cold, metal) arm, and whispers "_Please don't go._". They mutter something under their breath (глупый мальчик) (stupid boy), but they don't go.

* * *

"Cap, we've got the winter soldier."

"I-"

"No, you can't see him. He's too.. unstable." "But-"

"Go talk to Romanoff. She knew him. She can.. prepare you."

* * *

One day at the tower, Steve sits Natasha down at Stark Tower and asks. (They're all living there now, after the downfall of SHIELD. Steve, Bruce and Thor because they've got nowhere else to go. Clint and Natasha because they're 'keeping an eye on Tony'. Tony because "_screw you I built a palace in the sky and I'm going to live there"_.)

Steve sits Natasha down in the kitchen and asks her what happened, what's happening, and what's going to happen. It's not pretty. She tells him what he needs to know in a cold, detached voice.

"We were trained to be soldiers. Natasha Romanoff was born in 1984, but Natalia Romanov was born in 1930. From age three I was raised to be an assassin. '_The perfect soldier_', they said." she says with bitterness in her voice. "But James was different. He was found half dead in the snow when I was fourteen. I meet him when I was sixteen. We posed as newlyweds, and killed a man who was working against the Red Room. James, he looked barely 20, but he acted older. World weary..". She and Steve have a discussion that lasts long into the night.

* * *

Six months after SHIELD goes down, six months after he meets and fights the Winter Soldier, he gets the phone call he's been dreading and anticipating.

"He asked for you. Will you come?"

"Yes."

* * *

Their reunion isn't particularly romantic and/or sweet. It goes like this:

Steve is lead down a too bright corridor, with a SHIELD nurse who has a bodyguard. Steve doesn't know what that says about the state of the 'patients' here. The team -_his team_\- are right behind them for "moral support". The nurse leads them into a windowless room. Its only feature is a one way mirror and door on their left. He can see through the mirror, into another windowless room. There's minimal furnishings. A single bed (coarse white sheets, one pillow), a light stuck in the ceiling, and a crumpled up ball in the corner that might've once been human. He is ushered through the door (no one comes with). He's closer to the mass of skinny bones and defeat labelled as his best friend. He's huddled in a ball, with his chin resting on his knees.

He tries forcing the word "_Buck?_" out of his throat. It's loud enough to catch his attention, and his hair flies back when he snaps his head up. Bucky's eyes are wide and feral.

Steve can see him swallowing hard. Bucky outstretches one hand towards Steve, and then grabs it away like he's been burned. Steve stops, watching Bucky cautiously. Legs shaking, Bucky leans against the wall as he stands up. Bucky takes a hesitant step towards him.

Steve can't keep his eyes off Bucky long enough to reassure his (most definitely concerned) teammates behind the glass, so he give them a thumbs up from the corner of his eye. There, he can see Natasha looking smug, Dr. Banner looking knowing, and everyone else looking vaguely confused. The nurse has one hand hovering above a big red call button, but he's pretty sure that Tony tells her not to. Good on him.

Bucky steps towards him, standing in front of him on shaking legs. His left leg buckles, and Steve catches Bucky's arm (he has a metal arm) before he falls. Bucky's other flesh-and-blood arm grabs Steve's shoulder in automatic response. Bucky stares at his hand on Steve's shoulder before pulling it away slowly like he was burned (like he's been branded). Steve gently takes his wrist, and with a feather light touch, places the hand back on his shoulder.

Bucky stares at him with large, surprised eyes. "Steve?" he whispers in a deep, mournful voice. The only thing Steve can say around the lump in his throat is "Yeah?".

Bucky kisses him, hard and deep. It's not the first time they've kissed (far from that) but it's the first time in 75 years (_75 years_), and Bucky having to tilt his head up is a novelty on its own.

Despite having been in SHIELD medical for months, Bucky still tastes like drink and cigarettes and _home_. He smiles into the kiss.

Steve breaks the kiss to turn towards the team in the other room (they're looking incredibly smug and/or confused, as per usual). He uses the hand not clasped in Bucky's to point out the people lined up. "Buck, this is my team. There's Bruce, with the glasses. He always looks that zen. And knowing. He turns into an angry green being. Tony Stark, son of Howard. He flies around in a metal suit. It's pretty cool. Thor's an alien. Clint, with the arms, is an archer. And Natasha, who's looking smug, you already know."

Bruce gives Steve a knowing look (surprisingly, he was a comfort to Steve in the months after SHIELD fell. He never trusted them anyway.). Tony whispers "I just watched my childhood heroes make out.", Thor claps gleefully, Clint wolf whistles, Natasha calls both of them "Disgustingly cute," and says something to Bucky in Russian that makes him glance at Steve and chuckle. This is how Steve knows everything is going to be okay.


End file.
